Life just is not fair.
It is not fair that I finally have found someone who I connect with but have to leave him in a matter of weeks.
It is not fair that I cannot just freeze frame my life and enjoy these moments forever.
I cannot fathom why I was be immersed in this happiness but have no time to fully enjoy it.
It. Is. Not. Fair.
I want to ball up and cry sometimes. They say be careful what you wish for, and I wished for this, this blissful courtship. And I finally got it. After all these years of failed relationships, selfish partners, liars, assholes, etc., I finally have come across a man who I genuinely like and have so much in common with. Our chemistry is so much more than I would have expected. He truly came out of no where (for those of you confused I am referencing Superman).
I like him so much, and I know that I should enjoy the time we have left but I just can’t seem to shake this gnawing feeling that once I leave all of these wonderful weeks will fade into nothing and will have been for naught. (Sigh).
What’s a girl to do when the guy she’s caught feelings for will be miles away for at least 5 months? How do I cope with the face that neither he nor I can fathom a long distance relationship due to past relationships? What options do we have?
Am I supposed to settle for the few weeks and then pretend as if none of this meant anything to me? Pretend as if I don’t miss him, don’t dream of him, don’t fantasize about his kisses and yearn for his embrace? I know it’s all so poetic, but this is how I feel…
Life is not fair. I just cannot believe this.
Such a whirlwind…I am breathless and fear that I may never catch my breath again.