In all of the relationships I have, or have had, God has shown me things about myself and my partner, things that make me more conscious of what I do and don’t want in “the” relationship with the one who is my soul mate.
I feel myself being prepared in many ways, growing into the woman God wants me to be. I am always learning and understanding and actualizing. It is always harder to do what you know is right and best when in your first mind your actions more than likely are the opposite of those good and right things. I’ve learned and am learning to temper my tongue and my thoughts; to process and analyze before acting and speaking. I’m extremely guarded and I easily and instantly go into attack mode when things get tense. I don’t want to be the one hurt or on the receiving end of the storm, so many times I want to lash out, accuse, dismiss, anything that will protect me from being hurt again.
This is a problem because I love getting to know people, reaching into their minds, connecting on more than a surface level. And my guarded nature is counterproductive to getting to know people and allowing them to get to know me. This is just one of the many lessons taught on multiple occasions with different people.
The best thing about the variety of lovers and friends I’ve had is that I take with me something new from each situation, gain a new perspective or insight into how I mesh and function with different spirits and bodies.