Dream With Me.

NaPoWriMo 2014
Day 14; Poem 15 (Extra!)

Dream With Me

Seeing your face gives me hope
Of my childhood fantasies come true
Don’t ever look away
Dream with me

My Best Friend

NaPoWriMo 2014
Day 4; Poem 4

“My Best Friend”

Her light is the sun
it’s warmth radiates unintentionally
Her smile a celestial entity
Shining through the depths of eternity
In her heart resides enough care for the masses
Loving infinitely and irrevocably
Without expecting anything back and,
She inspires me to be greater than I could ever dream
I aspire to become at least half of the person she sees
My rock, my shoulder, a critic when I need it most
Aware of her beauty and brilliance but she is never one to boast
I doubt that she will ever know how much her friendship means to me
And freely
I give of me
Trust and loyalty
Love and support
To her
Unconditionally

Lifted.

NaPoWriMo 2014
Poem number 1/ Day 1

“Lifted.”

Floating low but way more high
Time suspended for moments at a time
Life at ease
Cookies please
Drifting towards the sun and stars
Warmth spreads like the wind
Welcoming and surprising
Laughter
Smiles
And joy Uprising
Harmony in my heart
Pause and Go
Stop, rewind
Time is on repeat
I’m contemplating mistakes of life and love
Mind drifted deeply into the clouds above

Then and Now

The time has come for me to pack my bags and hit the road (or rather, sky) again.

If you’ve been following this blog you know that I began my blogging journey around this time last year as a coping mechanism to all of the wreckage that was my life. Without notice, well kinda without notice, I had to uproot myself and move back home to New York due to some unfortunate financial road blocks. Well, since my arrival here in NY I have had so many great days. I accomplished things I didn’t think I would and I learned a lot about myself and my capacity for survival and endurance. I’m proud of myself and everything I have gone through. With the help of my family and friends, and their unwavering support, I have made it through some bad times and have really enjoyed 2013.

Now I am moving back to Louisiana, and I can say that I am more prepared to handle what ever trials may come my way. I’ve gained a better perspective on my life and I realize now that I really needed the time away from school and the responsibilities of my hectic academic life. I’ve made some amazing memories in New York, and I’ve met some great people. But I know it is time to finish what I started. Graduating from college has been the only goal that I have held close to my heart since I was a little girl, and I am going to see it through. I have been blessed with a new found patience that I did not know before and have gained much faith in God and his/her plan for me. For all of this I am grateful.

Everyday I see more and more how blessed I am. The pieces are falling together. I know things won’t always be so easy and the road will have some bumps and potholes, but I am resilient, I am going to succeed.

So now, in 2014, I am ready to complete one journey, while preparing for another (grad school!!) EEK!! It’s terrifying, but also exciting at the same time! I’ve had help from my uh-may-zing professors and friends, and I believe that wherever I may be and choose to go that I will do well. I’m still in the process of completing applications and I am ready to see and experience art and being an artist at the graduate level.

There are sooooo many things that I want to do! But all in due time. I’m taking life one day at a time, but still laying out the foundation for my future…the rest will be filled in later. And I am okay with that. I have found my center, grounded myself within myself. Wherever I go I know that I am still whole, my life is still balanced.

I’ve really missed Louisiana, which is kind of surprising LOL. I didn’t think I would miss it that much, but I have grown to truly become a southern gal. I miss the air, the trees, the simplicity, and the lifestyle. More importantly I miss the people who have left such a huge impression on my heart–and funny enough, they miss me too! ^_^

So Monday (God willing there are no more of nature’s road blocks) I will be flying back down south, back to my other home. I can’t wait to see where these next few months take me!

Love your life, find your peace within you, live!

Ciao!

And the Beat Goes On

Music is and has always been my greatest muse. Regardless of where I am or what moon I’m in whenever I listen to music it truly effect how I feel and what I think about.

Now I know that everyone says that. But honestly I can say that I feel music down in the core of me. Now I know that’s probably due to the fact that I am an extremely emotional person. This is advantageous to me because when I create I know that people can feel how I’m feeling when I write and when I paint. Because I have such a strong connection with my emotions I know how to transcribe them into my works of art–any great artist should be able to do this.

Back to the music though…

Music makes me feel even when I don’t want to, it’s so therapeutic to me. It consoles me when I am alone, it patches up the wounds not visible to other people, it makes me remember the greatest and most treasured things in my life. This is why I am so open to the genres of music and the artists that I listen to. When experiencing music for the first time I try to connect with the artist; see what they saw, feel how they felt when they wrote and/or sang the song. That’s a powerful connection–empathy. Every song has a meaning and intent, so I try to grasp that with my heart and truly immerse myself into their words, into the sounds and the feelings.

I find it amazing how people can sing of experiencing the greatest love and pain and sacrifice–and to truly mean those words that they belt out over those catchy melodies. Their loss, their darkness, anger, excitement, blissful and childlike happiness–I want to feel those things, I do feel those things. All of it gives me hope that I am not the only one who experiences such heartache and up and downs in life, and it makes me hopeful that one day I would truly get to experience joy and love  as they have.

Music truly touches my soul, and it’s not merely based on “talent” or popularity. Its the passion behind the music and laced in the words. I guess this is the reason why I’ve always wanted to master the art of playing an instrument, I’m already a write but if I could combine those two I can only imagine the things I would create.

Cherish your feelings, and revel in the magnitude of your emotions–don’t shy away from them. The complexity of them make you who you are.

Ciao! ❤

Jackie of All Trades

Lately people have been trying to figure me out. Find out what category I fit in. And to be honest, I’ve been kind of letting them guide me. When the hell did that become okay? Now granted, they weren’t doing it for negative reasons; I know they were truly just trying to understand me as a person. Most people are always surprised when they find out all of the things that I’m interested in (and good at). I take pride in that look of bewilderment on their faces though. It proves to me that I am underestimated in the eyes of my peers and elders, and to me that’s a great thing. It means I can still shock and awe people. I never want people to think they can tell me who I am. So I like to do everything that interests me. They’ll never see me coming 😉

I. Am. Me.

I always have been, and always will be. I have never been the kind of girl who was able to be placed into one category or shoved into a box. I love that about myself. I love being versatile and open to so many different things. It makes me an interesting person. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t do things because of how I will be perceived in the eyes of others. No. I do things because I’m genuinely interested in doing them. I learn things that intrigue me. I like things that I find to be unique and genuine. Plain and simple.

I need to get back to being that Jackie-of-all-trades mentality. I’ve been showing people only certain sides of me, I guess that’s why I didn’t have a problem letting people think I was a certain “type” of girl. But it’s time to open up. Be more of who I really am, all ay every day.

I’ve been thinking a lot of doing more, and it’s not like I don’t have the time. I just have to dust off those shoes and break out of this plastic shell.

I’m sure the majority of you all don’t quite understand what I mean. The things that I love are broad ranged: Art (painting, drawing, sculpture, design, digital art, photography), Writing (poetry, short stories, essays, blogging, article writing), Dance (choreography–learning and making up my own, stepping), Hair (natural care, processed hair care, weave installation, coloring) and Cooking. To some folks, these may seem trivial and to others they seem like masterminded activities. Either way, there is still a hefty amount of things on this list (and this is just a portion of the things i like doing).

I’m ready to get back to doing all of these, not just trying to focus on one while neglecting the others. It’s all a process though. I’m discovering and uncovering pieces of me. I like it.

 

Ciao!

Back At It

It has been far too long…

 

Quickie update on my life since I last posted:

– I’ve been writing recently.

– I’m trying this whole “writing RPG” thing. So far so good.

– NY is still my home for now. Still working. Trying to find a 2nd job actually.

– I’m happy =D! Clearly this should have been posted first -_- lol

– Unfortunately I haven’t seen my best friends much since being here.

– One of my best friends is getting married. I’m the maid of honor.

– I’m currently experimenting with different hair styles.

– I’ve decided to stop putting relaxers in my hair. I like how it’s coming along.

– School is still my main focus right now, just gotta make enough money to finish what I started.

– Superman is still present in Lana Lane’s life.

 

As for now that’s all I can really think of. Life for me hasn’t been filled with dramatic huge events but rather simple ones that I cherish more than anything. I’m happy. Honestly I am. I am at peace in/with so many areas in my life. This isn’t something that I’m used to, but I am trying to enjoy it all.

NY has been great to me. I know that right now it is where I am supposed to be. I can honestly say that I am falling in love with NY all over again. I have mostly the people I’ve been around to thank for that. No, I don’t party every weekend, or go to the movies all the time, but I’m enjoying myself.

It has definitely been a blessing to be free of so much stress. I was aging way too fast to be only 24. My family has been helpful too making sure that I’m well taken care of and that I have everything I need. The only struggle that I face (which is inevitable) is becoming the best version of myself in all aspects. But as we all know, that takes time.

I’ve found that I’ve become comfortable. And as all of you grind-hard folks know, when you get comfortable you get complacent. Complacent is not something I ever really imagined myself being. I guess being wrapped in all this joy made me want to stay here and just relax for a while. The only problem with that is that I’m stifling my growth by doing that. Everything in me wants to sit here, and bask in all this happiness. I’m struggling pulling myself up out of it. But now that I think about it, I need to learn how to take this happiness with me wherever I go. Some would say that it is easy as pie. But for me, it’s a task I am unfamiliar with. I’m in a place that I like, but I know that there are things I wanna do, things I want to accomplish, and to do those things I have to get back focused. Happiness will come and stay as long as I work towards that. And right now, that is what I am doing.

For now, that’s all I am going to say about that. I have so much more to write about, but each subject deserves its own post…sooo….until later….

 

Ciao! ❤

 

A Guy A Girl, and A Pencil

A Guy…

As per usual, I am opting to not disclose his real name, so for all intents and purposes I’ll call him Smiles (his smile is captivating). So I met Smiles around the month of March via this dating website. At first he seemed as though he weren’t my type, but with further investigation (chats and texts) I came to find that we actually have a lot in common, Art being the biggest factor.

Smiles is an amazing sketch artist! He draws so well, but he’s still playful and does some illustrations as well. He’s critical of his work, as am I, and doesn’t think he’s that great but me being a painter and not much of a sketch artist. I know someone who has a good eye when I meet them and see their work.

So anyway, Smiles and I went on a few dates and really hit it off…which is blessing seeing as I have had my share of creeps and weirdos, all of which c I’ve told him about. I even expressed my apprehension to meeting up with him because of these other guys who I met on the site.

Moving on though…

I like him. He’s funny, talented, smart, energetic and athletic, not to mention cuuuutteeee! And he has dimples!!! Lol that is definitely a bonus. And to top it all off he an I are interested in some of the same things, and for our different interests we explain how we feel about them and introduce the other into our worlds.

I must say that I like where this is going. He’s rally into me, I think lol. HR says he is, and he says that I make him a little nervous but really happy (he’s always smiling hahaha). I am glad I can make him feel like that though. He does the same for me.

I’m putting positive vibes into our situation, who knows where it will lead.

A Girl…

The girl is me! I’ve been really happy lately. Though I have been neglecting my blog I have really been enjoying my life and trying to do what is best for me. I’ve been working out more, despite being sick a few times. I’m learning how to push myself and how to stay motivated. Its difficult at times but I’m on the right track (still proud that I lost 12 lbs!!) Hopefully I can keep improving and making myself the best version of myself.

I need to fully recover from this sinus cold/infection/cold thingy I have. My chest is spoil congested! I’m pushing myself though. Long as I don’t die I know I’m doing.g the right thing lol!

A Pencil…

This represents different aspects of my life right now. I’ve been writing a little as of late and I’m really proud of that! Short stories seem to be my “thing” haha. And so I’ll continue to write as long as this inspiration keeps coming.

I hope to be back at the figurative drawing board as far as my art is concerned. My easel should be here soon, so maybe I’ll get to painting…there are still a few things I need though.

I’m writing into this book of life and I am trying hard to fill all the pages with positive things. Things I can be proud of and things that will be greatemories to think back on in the future.

My support system is awesome, I’m really blessed and so grateful for everyone who has stick by me whether near or far.

Ciao for now my loves…go make some memories!!

(Sorry for the typos, I’m posting from my phone.)

Hard…

They say, “The hardest step is the first one.”

That’s Bull.

The hardest step is the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. It’s harder to keep going than it is to start.

I want to quit, be lazy, sleep all day. But doing that will get me nowhere.

Gotta stay focused, push harder, train harder.

 

But now, I am going to sleep…I’ve trained enough for the day.

Ciao.

Post Workout

So today I truly and fully committed myself to eating clean, training mean, and getting lean. I feel amazing! I forgot how good working out made me feel. It took me a while to realize working out produces good feelings. I used to view exercise as a chore rather than a part of living. This why my goals seemed like dreams rather than a destination.

So now I’m on my bedroom floor stretching. Trying to make sure I’m not too sore come morning. I’ve got some Gatorade, but definitely need to buy some chcolate milk 😉 .

Message of the day: change your mindset and you can change your life.

Ciao!! *smooches*