POEM: I Am Here With You

I know it’s difficult
That this is not the way you wanted it to be
To happen
But I’m here with you.
Walking beside you
Exploring this new territory
With no bounds or map
I am here.
I want this.
Take my hand, come along.
Can’t you feel it?
Drawing us together,
And forward
The pull of what lies ahead
The promise of something amazing.
Ignore the pressure
To be what they want.
Open to their scrutiny
Assumptions, expectations
False representations
Of what we could be.
No, we should be
Just as we are
As we want and would be.
Our path is our own
We set the pace
The destinations and pit-stops
Pause and go as we please.
So please, take my hand
Come with me
So much lies ahead of us
I’m here
With you.

Disclosure: Prince Charming (pt. 1)

Prince Charming

His love was like a gust of wind on a beautiful cloudless day. It heightened my senses and exposed me to the vastness of my own heart. And to be honest it was completely unexpected. Never did I think that my feelings would blossom into something so consuming. Into something so life changing. I never would have guessed he’d feel the same way.

This was no storybook boy-meets-girl situation. To say it was would dimish the complexity of our relationship. I worked hard to earn his love and trust, and in return he made me invaluable in his life. There were no secrets with us, no boundaries we couldn’t cross. He saw all of me, even the parts I attempted to hide. And he cherished them.

With a magnetic personality and a crooked smile he stormed into my life. Little did I know his charisma is what would catch my attention but his passion and tenacity would trap me. To know him was to love him, and I knew him better than anyone. He had me from the moment he kissed my hand and loving him became as reflexive as breathing.

I may never truly know why he chose me to give his heart to, or the exact moment he knew that there was more than just companionship between us. But I do know that even when my feelings were obvious and his own perplexed him, he remained unchanged.

Once love was claimed it was never denied, never made to be an object of shame; rather, he carried it with pride. He wiped my tears and made me laugh, he cooked for me and took me on adventures. We were young but we were on fire.

I realize now that he took care of me, protected me from almost everything that would cause me pain because he knew he couldn’t protect me from himself.

Over the years there was much confusion, longing, and heartache. But through it all there remained this inexplicable bond that reached down into my soul anchored by an immense love.

There was no fairytale ending for us though. Time and space and life, as they often do, have done their damage. But his legacy of honesty, trust, and adornment have stayed with me. He was my first love.

Stay Tuned

I’m contemplating writing a few short entries about different people I know, different periods in my life, that have affected me in so many ways…I wonder how this is gonna go.

I really don’t know where to begin though, or who to start with. Should I go from past to present, present to past, or be completely random in order?

Pause I know exactly who to start with…

Stay Tuned, Disclosure is coming.

CIAO!

Back Again

The reemergence of people in our lives can be very informative.

We are forced to ask ourselves a few questions as to why they have return (and if they weren’t gone completely, rather just dormant pieces, why have they suddenly become active again).

Why have they come back?
What is their new purpose?
How long will they stay active in my life?
What am I supposed to learn from them?
Who are they now, compared to who they were before?
How will I change from this interaction?

We have to prepare ourselves for both positive and negative effects when people come into our lives…or return.

Yet we have to be open to all experiences so we can receive what it is we’re supposed to from them.

Lost and Aware

Sometimes you wake up
And realize that you have been
Lost.

Stuck rooted somewhere
Wandering aimlessly
Blissfully unaware
All the while
Knowing
That something
Isn’t right.

Yet still you continue to roam
Never going anywhere
Nor leaving from some place
Just meandering
With no purpose
No mission
No vision
No goal.

But then almost like magic
You stop.
The world is still
And you grow uncomfortable
And realization begins to seep in
And the fog clears almost instantly.
Then suddenly you know
You do not belong here.

You start to realize
That time has been wasted
That you were not
Living, merely alive.
Fear and panic set in.
And you have questions
So many questions
For God, for the universe
For everyone who let you get lost.

That fear turns to anger
Confusion
Resentment
Hopelessness.
You have really been lost.
Existing in a life that
Wasn’t meant for you to live.

You know that you must go back
Get back on track
Find your real self.
But you are afraid.
Afraid of losing yourself again
Of becoming lost and never finding
Your way out
Your way back to
Who you really are
And should be.

So you stand unmoving
Painfully aware
That you are lost.
But now you are too afraid
To find yourself.
And you know that by standing still
Choosing fear over fate
That you will remain lost.

It is that fear
That unwillingness to move
That traps you
Keeps you stuck
Lost.
You are not happy
But you are afraid to
Find what brings you joy
To go where you belong.

Knowing this
Accepting all of this as truth
Hurts more than knowing you were lost
Because now you must face
Your weaknesses
Your pain
Your fear
Your shame.

With fear in your heart
And shame on your back
You uproot yourself
And you know that this
Is only the beginning.
These are only the first steps
On the path to finding
Peace and purpose
To finding you.

Almost August

Here it is…July twenty-something and I haven’t written anything in months…jeez. So muxh has happened and yet not much has changed.

I am alright. Still blessed beyond what I should be.

I have an interesting array of spirits housed within the people who are in my world now. Some of them very unexpected,  but overall I am pleased and excited to see where these friendships go. God is moving, doing his/her thing and I am just going along for the ride…

I might make my own NaPoWriMo come August so I can flex my poetic skills and give a nice charge to the creative side of my brain.

I always have things to say, so many thoughts, so many things I’ve reflected on.

And just for the sake of writing, I shall write a little something about someone new…

UNTITLED (for now…)

You are golden.
Not merely in complexion
But in essence.
Your spirit shines through your eyes
And your smile,
Reflects the genuine heart of a child.
Though mild,
Our conversations flow freely
And intellectually
Leaving me satisfied yet craving more.
Your voice is like melted butter on homemade bread
Guttural and sultry.
And I don’t even think you know
How it cloaks me.
Reminding me of comfort and peace
Strength and security,
Demanding the attention of the Woman in me.
In awe at the wonder of you, I am contentedly.
But beyond your physical attributes
Blessed as they are,
Your soul shines warm
Like sunlight through a glaze of honey.
I find myself drawn to it
To you,
Wanting to delve deeper than the ocean’s floor
Into your mind
Ripe as a peach
And sweet as a plum.
You are an unexpected one.
A pleasure to behold
And I know,
That the worth of an man like you
Is priceless.
Even amongst a sea of rubies and gold.

POEM: This Time With You

I like this…
It is exciting and yet comfortable
I am filled with a sense of giddiness
And peace
There is no pressure
No awkwardness
It just feels…right.
Wherever this road may lead
Whether we are at its end
and will go separate ways
Or if we’re just beginning this trek
I am glad that our paths have crossed
That I had this experience,
This time with you.

Quickie Update

There is so much to say.
So many events to recount, so many blessings to make note of. Stories of Casanova and Enigma, of Next Lifetime and Mint Condition
And even Theodore made an appearance or two. So much has happened in this past month. I am content and open to what is coming. I’m looking forward to these next few months.

I am most happy about these blessings from my God. He helped me plan for the future, he gave me visions of what I should be working towards, and because of this I have placed these things at the forefront of my mind. I’ve been diligent, faithful, and flexible. I know that things don’t always work out how I think they will or should, and I have accepted that. And am much happier because of it. God is in control and I know this is how life is supposed to be.

One day soon I I’ll elaborate on these people and happenings, but until then, love life, enjoy the people around you, plan and work towards your goals, and love yourself.

Ciao.

POEM: When it Rains

“When it Rains”

It comes and goes,
Much without warning.
The soft pitter-patter
Growing into a resounding symphony.
Its forceful presence
Emits a calm reverie
Bringing down upon the earth
Its cleansing and purifying waves.
Drip drop, plop,
again and again.
Washing away the worries of today
And the sins of yesterday.
Sporadically and righteously
Feeding the seeds of promised harvest,
Rinsing clean what once was of filth.
Leaving behind a pristine slate
And the hope of abundant tomorrows.

Just the Tip

NaPoWriMo 2014
Day 21; Poem 18

Just the Tip

Slowly it eases its way in
Circling the outer rim
Sending chills running through me
Slightly moist, the feel of it is familiar
But still it feels like it has been years
I gasp in anticipation
It inches slowly inside, deeper
Filling me instantly
Caressing each inner wall
Rubbing each one gently
Claiming its territory
The need, tamed
The yearning, sated
Eyes roll back
Sigh of contentment escapes my lips
How I’ve missed it
How numb I feel when its within
Time stops
Or slows
Or no longer exists
All I know is this feeling
This ecstasy
Just the tip
Q-Tip.